June 2013
BURN EVERYTHING YOU LOVE AND BURN THE
ASHES
“mommy, can I-“
“not unless u get 100000 notes on a post, honey”
In Spanish, we don’t really say “I love you” we say “traeme una cerveza” which roughly translates to “you are the light of my soul” & I think that’s beautiful.
I ain’t bringing you shit don’t think you can trick me with your Speedy Gonzales talk.
why be rude when you can be nude
what if the bumps around your nipples were actually braille and everyone had a different message like fortune cookies
Anxiety isn’t cute. Don’t act like you have it because if you want it, here. Have mine. Because it’s not fucking cute and I don’t want it.
heelys down the aisle at my wedding
will suck dick for Brand New concert tickets
or sell my soul
or both
will do anything tbh
more metal than the left side of the periodic table
got the booty?
no
✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ:* \(◕‿◕✿)/ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
The length of a girls hair does not dictate her sexuality
✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ:* \(◕‿◕✿)/ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
how to give an awful handjob
- be unaware of where the penis is
- scream into the penis
- use the back of your hand
- slap the penis and call it “buddy”
- condescend to the penis
- set your hand on fire
a flight attendant bursts into the cabin
“is there a nerd on board?! terrorists have hijacked this plane and refuse to land safely unless somebody explains the plot of neon genesis evangelion to them”
“finally” i think as i raise my hand “my time to shine”
One time I heard my boyfriend had sex with another girl. So I called and asked him about it and he denied it, so I called the girl and she denied it too, and then I called my boyfriend back and told him that the girl had told me everything and he replied with “it was just one time. It meant nothing.” And then I replied with “fuck you, she didn’t tell me anything.” And that’s still my favorite story to tell.
